Emerald's 3rd Letter

(Photos are at the bottom of page)

The first days blend together. Time is this weird thing. Sometimes it is fast, sometimes is is slow, sometimes it seems like it stops. You'll discover that as you get older and you embark on adulthood. As a 5 day old you have no concept of it. Right now your only concern is eating, sleeping, and not wearing a yucky diaper despite the fact the only time you really protest thus far has been when the cool wipe touches your bum. We will get you a wipe warmer soon. 

Since coming home we have mainly taken turns holding you, you are rarely put down, if you are it is only for a brief 10 minutes maximum. They say, you can spoil a child by doing those things. I say they are full of indoctrination. You will never be spared love for as long as we are breathing. A new soul on this earth isn't meant to be left alone. You'll have your own desire for independence and alone time when you are at a bigger age. Right now you are acclimating, going from a mermaid in the waters of my stomach to breathing air in this realm.

You get hiccups often, it drives your dad bonkers because he feels so bad for you. I gently remind him you are still adjusting. You open your eyes and look around in between long naps. Your eyes are blue currently. You do have some stinky toots, Emerald and a few blow out diapers. You are just so perfect and content. Your dad, grandma, and I are continually saying how peaceful you are. Of course you are. You received all of your cord blood, you didn't get one single vaccine or the toxic eye goop, or the unnecessary vitamin K shot. You have your placenta in the freezer in the basement of our home and all of your blood coursing through your body where it belongs. You sleep with mom and dad, nurse on demand, and aside from the cool wipes during diaper changes you have no worries in the world. We go from the back porch to inside when the sun is too bright.

At the moment there is a slight breeze, almost chilly as it ushers in the beginning of the next season. We can feel the magic of autumn whispering across our skin. The perfect temperature. You are in your white long sleeve onsie and a blanket. We did make a trip to Walmart since coming home to purchase you a pack of white long sleeve onesie shirts in preemie size. The newborn clothes swallow you up. I know this phase is brief and it won't be long before father time arrives and speeds up these slow tiny baby days. I do look forward to all of your stages and all of our adventures and all of the things the future holds. In this moment though I'm already dreading it going by too quickly. I want to hang onto every single second as if my life depends on the moments. It does, my soul does. My soul needed you, Emerald. You and your father. 

People have been coming by to visit over the past couple of days. Hailey, Marty, baby Jenna which is now a year and a half, Elma, and a friend of the family- Hope Schwartz. Hope actually got you a wipe warmer after I told her last night that you are only upset when a cold wipe touches your bum! Your grandma gave it to us just a little bit ago. 

Today is August 25th 2025 by the way. 

Day 5 of your little life. 

Mason came today too. He didn't really know what to think of you. He was just adamant that he is uncle mason. He also thought you should be crawling by now and he can't wait till you can play. 

No matter how much I try to cling onto each moment with you, it seems like- if I don't write about it that same day it all becomes part of that blur. I shouldn't say all of it, but it becomes challenging to remember what happened in which order and which day and some of the tiny details fade. 

Yesterday was Sunday August 24th

I grilled okra from the garden while grandma held you. I nursed you while we ate dinner. Like I said you mostly sleep and eat which is fine because that is what you are supposed to do at this stage. 

Emerald, life isn't always easy. Your father aches that he doesn't have a way to stay home with us. Having his own family- his own child- has been something he has desired probably more than air itself. It burdens him beyond words to have to leave us, especially now that you are physically here and he has to go back out to the rat race. Our goal and mission is to have our own property as soon as we can and us both stay home with you. Hopefully this plan works out and isn't distorted or made even more difficult from the universe. Hopefully things will fall into place over the next year and by the time we give you a sibling we will both be able to be home. 

Your dad played with you this morning before he had to kiss us goodbye for his shift at 84 lumber. 

Looking back: August 25th 2025 Monday 

Written the next day

He played with you as best as you could for being so little. It was sometime before 6am. The glow of the salt lamp giving us enough light to see one another without being too harsh on the eyes. You sneezed and your dad acted like you scared him. I love seeing him being so in love with you. You can see his actual soul light up when he sees you. I held back tears the night before when he talked about how much he hated the idea of not being home. I want so desperately for us to figure out the financial side of things so we can have our own home based business and both of us be here with you. I hope it is figured out before you are two. 

Life has been challenging for both your dad and I. We want to shield you from those burdens. We want to protect your innocence for as long as possible. There will be plenty of time for you to experience the real world but now is not it. 

I held you all day other than grandma holding you while I made me a cup of coffee. I know coffee isn't the best thing. I used coconut milk because I vowed our 2nd day home that the lasagna I made in preparations for your arrival and put in the freezer was going to be my last bit of dairy. I don't want you to spit up and have tummy troubles from nursing. I also added turmeric. I sat on the back porch with grandma and nursed you. We chatted about how amazed she is over you, so content, so peaceful, so calm. She is seeing first hand that your dad and I being so determined about keeping the cord intact for that long is now paying off. You have already shown her in different little ways that some of the things we feel so strongly about are actually important and not us being difficult or out in left field. 

Your dad came home from work and held you while I made dinner. He brought you in and laid you on the counter, don't worry he sat there and made sure you were safe. He wanted you to attend your first cooking show with mommy. My heart melted like the butter in the oven. I was making blueberry and wild raspberry cobbler. Then I grilled okra and zucchini from the garden on the Blackstone. 

After dinner your dad held you again so I could do a little tidying up. We are still waiting on the baby carrier to come in from Amazon so I can wear you while I do chores. I slowly peaked out on the back porch after I came back upstairs from washing out your cloth wipes and starting laundry. Your dad was so tired- not from waking up with us at your 1AM feeding but that soul kind of tiredness that just makes you question the purpose of it all. Y'all both were asleep; your dad in the chair, you in his arms. 

I got you so he could do his garden tending and you could nurse. We stay on the back porch a lot. The temperature is absolutely perfect, the sky has been like the 90's sky ever since we came home from the hospital, you picked the perfect time to make your debut as far as weather goes for sure. We eventually went and sat down by the garden in the rocking camping chair. I had you bundled up because it was quite chilly, the sky clear aside from large fluffy clouds with hints of pink, dad picked sunflowers for us to preserve before the finches eat them all. When winter settles in we will enjoy seeing the beautiful preserved sunflowers throughout the house. 

Key things: 

Day 4 your umbilical cord fell off. I went to change your diaper and as soon as I adjusted your shirt your cord fell off. Normally that doesn't happen until at least 7 days after "birth". Another benefit of the placenta staying intact until it was finished pulsating. We didn't use alcohol or anything on your belly button. It cleanly came off without any help or any fuss or anything.